My Birthday "celebration"

This post could also fall under the "oops I probably shouldn't have done that" posts, it was that special a celebration.

My birthday was a couple of weeks ago (just go "oh crap I didn't say anything"? Belated wishes are still being accepted, no late fees apply) and my host family wanted to make it memorable. Despite the drinking age only being 18 here, the big thing to do on your 21st birthday is to drink a yardie. A yardie is one of those giant yard glasses that holds a lot more liquid than you might think, and for your 21st you fill it with beer.

The object during this "celebration" is to drink the beer as fast as possible. My host parents both did theirs around 3:30, and both gloriously puked it all back up almost immediately. They even told me that there's a 99% chance I'll do the same. So I began to mentally prepare.

Come my birthday we set out to buy the yardie and the beer. These things aren't cheap--we found a steal for only $35. Most were about $90. Then I had to get beer. My options were pretty limited and I wanted to drink something familiar so I wasn't chugging some weird, foreign beer that tasted horrible. My best option was Carona. Not ideal, but it was that or something I wouldn't bother giving to a homeless man. NZ beer=not the best.

The other part of preparation involves pouring the beer as early as possible the day of consumption to flatten it--chugging with bubbles isn't as easy. So I did just that the moment we got home with the beer. In the end the yardie held seven bottles of beer. Throughout the day I kept checking to see I'd the bubbles were still around and taking a whiff of the Carona and the lime I had added to it. Smelled delicious. I was ready.

We had homemade pizzas that night for dinner. Delicious, but I had to hold back because I didn't want to puke up an entire pie. Then came the moment after the kids went to bed and Brendon and Shanelle were ready too. You need a "pourer" to help out because the yardie needs to be twisted as the liquid comes out. Otherwise too much will flow from the bottom and splash all over your face. Brendon was the pourer and Shanelle was the photographer.

Well let me tell you, despite my expectations, flat and room temperature beer is not very tasty. It was nasty. Horrible. Disgusting. I was so shocked by the taste I lost concentration. I was trying to chug as much as possible but I slowed down about halfway through. I had chugged almost four beers in about 90 seconds. I wanted to keep chugging but my stomach wasn't having it. I had to resort to giant gulps one at a time. But soon I felt that rumbling and had to stop despite the cheers of my host parents telling me to finish. I thought I was going to lose it, but I willed y stomach to hold up. I said I'd rather finish this thing and not puke even I'd it takes me forever.

As I continues to struggle towards the finish one gulp at a time I got some encouragement by two year old Ella who had woken up and come outside. She started clapping her hands and repeating whatever her mom said. How could I not be enthused by a two year old cheering on a guy chugging beer? Several times I thought I was going to lose it, but I felt more determined as the chugging went on to not spew. Finally I got the last gulp down. Completed! Finished! I did it!

My time? 25 minutes. Apparently that's just not even acceptable. I tried to claim hey I didn't puke, something almost unheard of. But of course the locals just said it was only cause I took ten years to do it. But I thought of it as a power hour done in half the time or less, plus an extra beer. Brendon and Shanelle teased me for taking so long, but I was happy just to not puke. So take what you will.

But I now have a new task for all my friends back home on their next birthday. I will be the pourer, and everyone will do a yardie. Maybe someday I'll do another one just for kicks and try and not be the slow poke.